Rolling into aid station 6, mile ~26 of EDU (Eastern Divide Ultra) I was feeling pretty good. I had walked most of the climb headed into aid station 6 but picked up my pace when I saw one Pawl Nazarewicz cheering me on from the top of the climb. It was good to see him and it lifted my spirits. Standing behind him was Rick. Just past Rick was Kristen, Linda and Michelle. Stepping up to the table I spoke to Jordan. As he filled my water bottle and Michelle handed me a Popsicle (sorry Trevor) I bent over to get a little stretch on my legs and take a deep breath. Deep in a cave of regret. Jordy poured cold water on my neck (2 cups) and said "you're not going to like this but you need it. So yeah... I don't care, you need it."
He was right. The cold treat and cold water in my bottle was a boost. The cheers from friends and words of encouragement, a spirit lifter. But it was the well timed splash of cold water that woke me up. Woke me up in time to face the last few miles of this beautifully arduous race that takes place in my backyard. Woke me up in time to face the last climbs and a finish line jog that turns into a sprint. Woke me up to what I had been running from all day, my truth.
Toeing the line at any race should make you pause. Some folks don't "race" races. Some folks go into every start with a goal. Whether you start with a goal in mind or just to see where the day takes you, toeing the line should make you pause. It isn't something everyone does or thinks about doing. It isn't something some can even physically do so respecting the feat you are about to accomplish shouldn't be glossed over. And yet, I find myself taking that for granted sometimes. Especially when the dark clouds settle in and you have 10 miles to go before you get that Snickers in your drop bag.
At the start line I had a million things racing through my brain. A million little thoughts. Things I am used to. But some things that were new. This was the second race I was running with a specific time goal in mind. The first being MMTR. I had run the majority of the course a few weeks prior and I felt like the goal was a stretch but not unattainable. And still the time was ringing in my head like the bells that toll for the dead. Back and forth. Over and over. I could hear it in my mind even as I was trying to focus on the last minute instructions from Kirby. Not necessarily doubt, but a nagging thought of the uncertainty of how. How the hell am I going to run this course in the time I have set for myself?
The first climb of EDU is unrelenting, runable and, frankly speaking, fun. You climb from the parking lot of the Cascades day parking lot up a wide trail to single track that leads you back down (quickly) to the stream the falls feed. As you traverse the technical trail you eventually swing around a corner and are met with the site of the falls. It's beautiful. I never tire from looking at those falls. It's also refreshing. No matter the humidity or temp the falls produce an almost effervescent wind that cuts through any clothing and chills you, in a good way. It's like a pull off a cold can of spicy water after a long run. For most of the climb heading to the falls I stuck with the top 10-15, which was my plan.
After the falls I cut the tether from Trevor, Brett and Chris (among a few others) and tried to settle into my all day pace. Looking back this is where I started to beat myself up a bit. Usually when I cut the string from those dudes (they fast) I can get my heart rate back in range and slowly ramp my pace up over the miles. Something I practiced on longer training runs this spring. But today my heart rate stayed high. Or least it felt like it did. In all truth, I was running and my body was just responding in kind. As I have been reminded countless times...running is hard. Instead of having an issue, I was creating one. Lesson #1 - Don't create issues, you will have plenty to deal with and creating more for yourself is unnecessary and destructive.
Some time after mile 8 or 9 I finally settled down. Maybe too much! I found myself taking it little too easy and telling myself I had to save myself for "the climb". You see...around mile 19 there is this fire road climb. This climb literally haunts my dreams at times. The only other climb I dread more is the climb to Tinker's Cliffs (more on that some other day, maybe). The thought of saving my legs for that climb started to become a mantra for me. I repeated it as people passed me. Said it out loud as a way of consoling myself when I walked sections I should have run. A safe harbor during the storms in my mind. Storms of self doubt and loathing. "It's ok... you have THE CLIMB coming up". I wasn't running for my goal any longer, I was running for that climb and that is when I lost my goal. That is when my goal faded away like the burning off of the morning fog that hangs in the valley the morning after an early evening storm. Lesson #2 - Don't race for anything other than the finish.
As I got closer to the climb I met some cool people (What up, Beth?!) and ran into old friends. Erik caught me and passed me. I ran into Josh Clemons and we ran together for a while. I can't thank him enough for hanging with me for that bit. He is a great dude and the conversation helped ease my mind a bit as we got closer to mile 19. Then there it was. Orange arrows point in the direction of the climb. Those arrows. Sad, miserable, asshole arrows. Kidding. They aren't that bad. Josh could confirm but I'm pretty sure I muddled out "oh boy here we go". Josh and I practiced a controlled climb using a walk to there, run from there to there approach. Surprisingly we seemed to have the same ideas of when to walk and when to run. Josh...Thank you again, man.
And like that...THE CLIMB was over. I found myself at my drop bag kind of in shock. While it wasn't like a nap in hammock, it also wasn't like climbing Engineer's Pass in the San Juans. I built that damn climb into something insurmountable and it cost me my goal (see lesson #2). I won't say that I couldn't have run that climb harder, I am saying I may have been able to push harder to get there. And this is what I thought about as I headed into the final miles of the race. At mile 22...I kind of gave up. I mean Alex, Holly and Matt (what up Bearded?!) were all there and being awesome. But...I gave up a little. All I could think about was regret.
We already talked about mile 26 so I won't go back to that. Also after that aid station all I did was mutter to myself "just keep running". All I wanted after leaving the rave station was a sub 6 hour finish and the only way to get that was to keep running. Josh? Oh he ran up ahead not long after we left the Mile 22 aid station. Nature called and neither he nor I wanted it to be a conference call. I bid him adieu and he sped away with all the speed he had (which was quite a bit). Royce did catch me with about a mile or so to go. We ran together and as we reached the finish line...well...he smacked my ass and then we sprinted in. Which is what Royce is known for.
As humans, we like 3. 3 things are easy to remember and psychologically we can compartmentalize 3 distinct facts easily. So what was my 3rd lesson? It really didn't happen until Wednesday morning during my dawn patrol run with Trevor. And it was the combo from the conversation we had during that run and talking with Jordan at the pool on Tuesday morning. Lesson #3 - You can't move forward by looking backward. This isn't a new idea. If you google this you will find a myriad of quotes on this fact. But like most things in my life I had to live this to know this.
The race I had, was the race I was supposed to have. I can always improve at another race but I can never improve my performance at that race, on that day. It's impossible. And I'm thankful for the race I had. I got to talk to Josh and meet some cool people. I got to see the falls and feel their icy breeze. I got to high five more than one person I truly love. I got to spend the weekend with Doug, Jill, Abbi and Alli who came in from Ohio to run/hang with me and Deb. I got cold water poured on me by one of the most arguably talented, focused and genuine runners in my chosen sport. A man I get to call a friend. My friends did remarkably well and no one got injured. I got to meet Emerson Thor and hold him. It was an amazing day and I wouldn't have had it any other way.
Eastern Divide 50k Race Weekend - Brett Sherfy
Link to a superb video from my friend and top 10 finisher Brett Sherfy...You should really subscribe to his YouTube channel.
 |
| photo cred goes to Kristen Chang |
He was right. The cold treat and cold water in my bottle was a boost. The cheers from friends and words of encouragement, a spirit lifter. But it was the well timed splash of cold water that woke me up. Woke me up in time to face the last few miles of this beautifully arduous race that takes place in my backyard. Woke me up in time to face the last climbs and a finish line jog that turns into a sprint. Woke me up to what I had been running from all day, my truth.
Toeing the line at any race should make you pause. Some folks don't "race" races. Some folks go into every start with a goal. Whether you start with a goal in mind or just to see where the day takes you, toeing the line should make you pause. It isn't something everyone does or thinks about doing. It isn't something some can even physically do so respecting the feat you are about to accomplish shouldn't be glossed over. And yet, I find myself taking that for granted sometimes. Especially when the dark clouds settle in and you have 10 miles to go before you get that Snickers in your drop bag.
At the start line I had a million things racing through my brain. A million little thoughts. Things I am used to. But some things that were new. This was the second race I was running with a specific time goal in mind. The first being MMTR. I had run the majority of the course a few weeks prior and I felt like the goal was a stretch but not unattainable. And still the time was ringing in my head like the bells that toll for the dead. Back and forth. Over and over. I could hear it in my mind even as I was trying to focus on the last minute instructions from Kirby. Not necessarily doubt, but a nagging thought of the uncertainty of how. How the hell am I going to run this course in the time I have set for myself?
The first climb of EDU is unrelenting, runable and, frankly speaking, fun. You climb from the parking lot of the Cascades day parking lot up a wide trail to single track that leads you back down (quickly) to the stream the falls feed. As you traverse the technical trail you eventually swing around a corner and are met with the site of the falls. It's beautiful. I never tire from looking at those falls. It's also refreshing. No matter the humidity or temp the falls produce an almost effervescent wind that cuts through any clothing and chills you, in a good way. It's like a pull off a cold can of spicy water after a long run. For most of the climb heading to the falls I stuck with the top 10-15, which was my plan.
 |
| Kirby (friend and EDU RD) enjoying the falls at a training run. Go see the falls! |
After the falls I cut the tether from Trevor, Brett and Chris (among a few others) and tried to settle into my all day pace. Looking back this is where I started to beat myself up a bit. Usually when I cut the string from those dudes (they fast) I can get my heart rate back in range and slowly ramp my pace up over the miles. Something I practiced on longer training runs this spring. But today my heart rate stayed high. Or least it felt like it did. In all truth, I was running and my body was just responding in kind. As I have been reminded countless times...running is hard. Instead of having an issue, I was creating one. Lesson #1 - Don't create issues, you will have plenty to deal with and creating more for yourself is unnecessary and destructive.
Some time after mile 8 or 9 I finally settled down. Maybe too much! I found myself taking it little too easy and telling myself I had to save myself for "the climb". You see...around mile 19 there is this fire road climb. This climb literally haunts my dreams at times. The only other climb I dread more is the climb to Tinker's Cliffs (more on that some other day, maybe). The thought of saving my legs for that climb started to become a mantra for me. I repeated it as people passed me. Said it out loud as a way of consoling myself when I walked sections I should have run. A safe harbor during the storms in my mind. Storms of self doubt and loathing. "It's ok... you have THE CLIMB coming up". I wasn't running for my goal any longer, I was running for that climb and that is when I lost my goal. That is when my goal faded away like the burning off of the morning fog that hangs in the valley the morning after an early evening storm. Lesson #2 - Don't race for anything other than the finish.
As I got closer to the climb I met some cool people (What up, Beth?!) and ran into old friends. Erik caught me and passed me. I ran into Josh Clemons and we ran together for a while. I can't thank him enough for hanging with me for that bit. He is a great dude and the conversation helped ease my mind a bit as we got closer to mile 19. Then there it was. Orange arrows point in the direction of the climb. Those arrows. Sad, miserable, asshole arrows. Kidding. They aren't that bad. Josh could confirm but I'm pretty sure I muddled out "oh boy here we go". Josh and I practiced a controlled climb using a walk to there, run from there to there approach. Surprisingly we seemed to have the same ideas of when to walk and when to run. Josh...Thank you again, man.
And like that...THE CLIMB was over. I found myself at my drop bag kind of in shock. While it wasn't like a nap in hammock, it also wasn't like climbing Engineer's Pass in the San Juans. I built that damn climb into something insurmountable and it cost me my goal (see lesson #2). I won't say that I couldn't have run that climb harder, I am saying I may have been able to push harder to get there. And this is what I thought about as I headed into the final miles of the race. At mile 22...I kind of gave up. I mean Alex, Holly and Matt (what up Bearded?!) were all there and being awesome. But...I gave up a little. All I could think about was regret.
 |
| mmm...aid station |
We already talked about mile 26 so I won't go back to that. Also after that aid station all I did was mutter to myself "just keep running". All I wanted after leaving the rave station was a sub 6 hour finish and the only way to get that was to keep running. Josh? Oh he ran up ahead not long after we left the Mile 22 aid station. Nature called and neither he nor I wanted it to be a conference call. I bid him adieu and he sped away with all the speed he had (which was quite a bit). Royce did catch me with about a mile or so to go. We ran together and as we reached the finish line...well...he smacked my ass and then we sprinted in. Which is what Royce is known for.
As humans, we like 3. 3 things are easy to remember and psychologically we can compartmentalize 3 distinct facts easily. So what was my 3rd lesson? It really didn't happen until Wednesday morning during my dawn patrol run with Trevor. And it was the combo from the conversation we had during that run and talking with Jordan at the pool on Tuesday morning. Lesson #3 - You can't move forward by looking backward. This isn't a new idea. If you google this you will find a myriad of quotes on this fact. But like most things in my life I had to live this to know this.
The race I had, was the race I was supposed to have. I can always improve at another race but I can never improve my performance at that race, on that day. It's impossible. And I'm thankful for the race I had. I got to talk to Josh and meet some cool people. I got to see the falls and feel their icy breeze. I got to high five more than one person I truly love. I got to spend the weekend with Doug, Jill, Abbi and Alli who came in from Ohio to run/hang with me and Deb. I got cold water poured on me by one of the most arguably talented, focused and genuine runners in my chosen sport. A man I get to call a friend. My friends did remarkably well and no one got injured. I got to meet Emerson Thor and hold him. It was an amazing day and I wouldn't have had it any other way.
Eastern Divide 50k Race Weekend - Brett Sherfy
Link to a superb video from my friend and top 10 finisher Brett Sherfy...You should really subscribe to his YouTube channel.
Glad to hear more from you on your EDU! And I was glad to have run with you a bit - we are always pulling for each other, even when we are hurting inside, battling with our own mixture of thoughts & feelings. Hope to see you more often the rest of the year :)
ReplyDeleteI look forward to running with you too! Thanks for reading and congrats on your awesome race!
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